You snooze, you lose
by Vakaria
Summary: James realizes he has feelings for Cortez, but thinks Steve is with Kaidan and it's too late.


Steve is standing at the viewing deck and trying to sort his thoughts out. Normally watching ships helped him to calm down, but today it seemed his mind was just too full.

After Shepard suggested this, he came here every time they docked at the Citadel. He knows he should be thinking of Earth or the War, but there was something else on his mind. Well, not exactly something - more someone.

At the moment he could barely think of something else than James. His interest in the soldier started short after they left earth. He had already worked with Vega, years ago, back when Robert was still alive. Robert.

_I love you, but I know you. Don't make me an anchor. Promise me, Steve._

Shepard helped him a lot with that feeling of guilt. He listened to Steve, got him to relax, helped him moving on. Shepard stood beside him, when he placed Robert's picture at the memorial wall. Told him, what he already knew deep inside him, that it was okay to let go. That moving on didn't mean to forget Robert, to betray him. That he was allowed to be happy again.

"Hey Steve. "

The voice rips him out of his thoughts. He turns to see Major Alenko.

"Hey Kaidan. What brings you here?"

"Well, I was returning from the presidium and I saw you standing here. Thought you might like some company. "

Steve doesn't but neither he wants to be rude. The major has become a friend over the past weeks – not as close as Shepard, but still a friend.

"I'm just looking at the ships coming in and out. Always helps me to focus and calm down."

Kaidan puts a hand on his shoulder. "Everything okay with you?" He sounds worried.

Cortez forces a small smile on his face. He doesn't like people being worried over him. "Yeah, I just have a lot on my mind."

"Well, if you say so:" The soldier doesn't really look convinced, but takes his hand away.

Steve looks over Kaidans shoulder to see James stomping towards the Normandy Airlock without even noticing them.

Kaidan follows his look and smirks. "Looks like he lost again. Well, at least they let him keep his shirt this time."

_Well, I wouldn't mind, if they didn't._ Steve thinks remembering the last time they docked at the Citadel when Vega arrived at the Shuttlebay, without a shirt and damn, these muscles looked great cursing and swearing never to play Poker again.

Instead of saying this out loud he says: "Yeah. He'll be in a horrible mood." He smiles. Most likely James wouldn't talk to anyone in the next hours, just pumping his muscles. That was just how he dealt with frustration.

"Well, what about some drinks later? Some of the crew are going to Purgatory this evening, wanna come too?"

"I'll think about it."

"Promise me, you really do. You need to get off the Normandy." Before Steve can object he adds. "And don't tell me you are. She's docking just over there. That doesn't count."

Cortez sighs. "I will think about it." As he sees the other man frown he adds "I promise." Maybe he would really come with them. He could need a bit relaxing, maybe a drink or a dance.

"I'll take that as a yes. See you later." The major waves and goes back to the Normandy. Cortez returns to watching the ships and shuttles docking at the Citadel.

James brushes his hand through his hair. He's a bit nervous. _Why the fuck am I nervous? This is ridiculous!_

He just wants to check up on Esteban, nothing more.

_Easy, Amigo._

He isn't nervous. Definitely not. He is just... hungry... Yeah, that's it.

The elevator doors open and he looks around. And sees Esteban at the viewing port.

With Alenko.

And Alenkos hand on Cortez shoulder.

He feels something like a punch in the guts. _Well, looks like I'm not needed here._

Without a second glance James heads back to the Normandy. He wants to punch something. Good there is a punching bag in the shuttle bay.

About one hour later Steve walks back to the Normandy. There are still a few hours left till it's time for Purgatory and he thinks about what he can do until then.

Maybe a nap. Or he could head down to the Shuttle Bay. Modify some rifles; check the shuttle, there is always something to do.

He is heading towards the elevator when Shepard stops him. The commander is accompanied by a woman in a white dress.

"Lieutenant, could you come over here?"

"Sure Commander."

"This is Diana Allers, news correspondent. She will accompany us on the Normandy to make some news reports about the war."

Cortez salutes. "Pleasure to meet you, Miss Allers."

Shepard shoots a nearly desperate look at him. "Could you do the tour? I would do it myself, but the Primarch wanted to talk to me and I'm afraid that can't wait." Out of Allers field of view he mouths: "And she hits on me the whole time."

Steve smirks then says: "Sure Commander. Miss Allers, if you would come with me, please." and lads her to the elevator. He can nearly feel Shepards relief.

After the doors are closed she leans over and asks: "Does he have a girlfriend?"

He smiles. "Yeah, and I'd be careful. She's great with a shotgun."

James beats the punching bag till his knuckles are bleeding and continues with push-ups.

He's angry and he doesn't even know why he was angry.

He should be – no, he is – glad that Loco got Esteban to leave the Shuttle Bay when they were docking, glad he was smiling again and glad he stopped watching this damned vid over and over again.

And he is – no, this time it is definitely a should be – glad that the other man had apparently found new love. He had already suspected that the two had something going on, as often as the Major came to the shuttle bay just to visit Cortez.

But before he can think further about this he hears the elevator doors open and between two push-ups he looks up to see Esteban and a woman, he doesn't know.

Cortez nods towards the room when he and Allers step out of the elevator.

"That's the shuttle bay and the armory."

"And you work here? Do you maintain this armory?"

He answers "I share this duty with our illustrious Mr. Vega. Though I believe the only weapon he really cares to maintain is himself." with a vague gesture towards James who is doing push-ups.

And not wearing his shirt. Damn. Steve forced himself to look away. The last thing he needs is to get caught staring.

"You know, you love the show, Esteban."

_If you only knew how much I do._

With a wink towards James Allers says "See you, Lieutenant Vega." She nods at Steve. "Lieutenant Cortez." Then she leaves the shuttle bay.

After a look at the clock of his omni-tool he decides to disassemble a pistol that got in just today. It's a new model he hasn't worked with before so he will have to be careful.

James appears beside him "Wow, who's that Chica? She's hot!"

Steve forces down the feeling of jealousy and is happy he manages to sound bored. "Diana Allers. She's a journalist and will stay on the Normandy." He has no right to be jealous.

Sure, he likes James. Maybe he's even in love with him. Well, if he's honest he's pretty sure he is. But he's also sure that it's unrequited and James would never feel the same way.

Yeah, there's all this teasing and flirting, but Vega is doing this with everyone.

"Donnelly told me a few of the crew members are going to Purgatory tonight. Are you coming too, Esteban?"

"Yeah, Kaidan invited me earlier."

"Oh, the Major... Well, that's great. See ya later, Esteban." With that he grabs his shirt and takes the elevator.

Was that just him or did James really sound strange? Anyway, he wants to get this pistol finished.

When the elevator doors finally close James sighs.

_Smooth move, pendejo. _

_Talk about how hot that Allers-Chica is in front of the man you are in love with._

_Wait where did that come from?_

_Sure, I like him. I like him really much. But love's a big word._

_Anyway it doesn't matter. It's too late. He has the major. He seems happy. And he deserves to be happy._

_I really need a drink. First a shower, but then definitely a drink._

_Or five._

Steve enters the Purgatory and looks around. Shepard, Tali and Garrus are sitting in the VIP-Lounge with an Asari, laughing and drinking.

_Well, obviously he's a VIP. He's Commander Fucking Shepard._

The Commander notices him, smiles and nods and he nods back.

Then he spots James, sitting at a table near the bar brooding over his drink. He looks even more grumpy than at the viewing deck this afternoon. First he thinks about joining him, but then he notices Kaidan waving at him from the dance floor.

_Why not? I'm here to have fun, dancing is good. I can talk to James later._

James stares at his drink, downs it and orders another one.

Cortez isn't there yet but he has already seen the major. Dancing and grinning like a fool.

Well, he certainly has a reason for that. With Esteban as his boyfriend he would do the same.

But Esteban is with the major and he can't compete with the second human spectre.

His second drink arrives and he looks up, just in time to see Esteban approaching the dance floor and Alenko.

_Well, time to go._

He planned to stay longer and drink a lot more, but he just couldn't stand seeing Cortez with the major.

Kaidan points to the bar and Steve follows him. They order their drinks and the major starts talking.

"I really like this club, but it's a bit too loud to talk."

"Yeah." Steve smirks. "You were grinning the entire evening. Did she finally say yes?"

Kaidan blushes a bit. "Guess I'm not very good at hiding my happiness. Yeah. Liara will meet me here for a drink and then we'll go see a movie."

"That's great!"

"And all thanks to your advice."

"I'm glad I could help." He spots Liara at the entrance to the Purgatory and pushes Kaidan towards the stairs. "Your date is waiting, major."

He stays a bit longer to finish his drink, than decides to go back to the Normandy.

When he is finally back and heading towards the crew quarters he hears James voice and a female laugh. He knows he shouldn't care, but he's curious and also a bit jealous. Again. Great.

When he peeks around the corner he sees James standing in the mess hall talking with this reporter. Allers. Well, not really talking, at the moment she's testing the marine's biceps.

_Oh, I'd love to touch his muscles._

Steve retreats before any of them could notice him and decides to go to the shuttle bay instead. He needed something to do. To distract himself from the thought of James fucking that journalist.

He would seek a quiet corner and finally read that book Kaidan gave him a few weeks ago.

Not long after he settled down behind the shuttle and started reading he heard the sound of the elevator doors opening and then a deep sigh.

He is confused. That sounded like James.

Steve peeks around the shuttle and saw his friend sitting on the floor, back to some crates, head in his hands. He was alone and looked miserable. But why? That situation upstairs seemed quite obvious to him.

_Well, I could just ask him. And honestly, he looks like he could need some company._

He stands up and walks towards James, but the marine doesn't notice him before he starts speaking.

"Shouldn't you be upstairs in Allers' cabin?"

His head darts up at the sound of Steves voice. "I'm not that drunk, definitely not interested in her." He looks a bit confused.

"Shouldn't you be with your boyfriend?"

"Boyfriend?" Now it was Steve's turn to be confused. _What the..._

The confusion in James eyes changes to anger. "The major."

"Kaidan? But we're not... He's not my boyfriend! Where the hell did you get that from?"

The anger fades and is replaced by... is that hope?

_This gets more and more confusing...And why is he so angry about it?_

"I just thought... he was visiting you so often... and then I saw you dancing at Purgatory. And he looked so damned happy... and you too... and I thought it was too late... and..." He breaks up and stares at the floor.

Cortez sits down beside him. "I guess he was happy, because Liara finally agreed to go on a date with him."

James laughs. "Doc and the major? Nice."

"Now that we agree on this I still have a question left. Too late for what?"

_Does he mean what I think he means? Can't be._

James lets his eyes wander through the room. Looking everywhere but at Steve.

"You know, Esteban, I... care for you." He clenches his fist. "Damn it, I'm not good with words. In the past weeks, I could barely think of something else than you. And... and when I saw you today with Alenko. At the viewing port."

_So that was why he looked like a kicked puppy this afternoon._

"And at Purgatory. I thought you two were... And I was so damned jealous. And I hated myself for it, cause you looked so happy... And you deserve to be happy... I just wished it could be with me, but I thought you weren't interested. I know I can't compete with the second human spectre. I'm just a soldier, and..."

Before James can say more Steve leans over and kisses him. Their lips touch and Vega freezes in surprise. But before Steve can doubt what he did, James responds fiercely.

When they break free, they are both gasping for air. James is grinning and still looks like he can't believe what just happened and Steve is sure he looks pretty much the same. He moves closer to the other man and rests his head against his chest. James, his James, puts an arm around his shoulders and they just sit there, together, trying to understand that this is really happening.

Epilogue

"Cortez, I've got a video call for you."

Steve hurries up to the holo, but it's not the soldier he was hoping to see.

"Commander. you're alive. That's great. I was just hoping..." He can't avoid sounding disappointed.

"I know." Shepard smiles. "James is here, he's okay and he also wants to talk to you. I just wanted to thank you and say goodbye."

"Shepard, we'll all get out of here alive."

"Yeah. But anyway. Thanks Steve. For being a friend. But now I'll let you talk to your boyfriend." And before Steve can say anything else, he's gone. But only a few seconds later, James takes his place, looking worried.

"Esteban, are you okay? When I saw that explosion, I thought I lost you! I..."

Steve interrupts him. "I apologize for that. Things got too hot. Thought maybe I could do another run and head back around... Well, not one of my finer moments. If'd been flying my old Trident, things might've been different."

"What matters is you got out there alive." James looks at his hands. "I just want you to know..." He looks up to meet Steve's eyes. "I love you, Esteban. Take care!"

"I love you too, James. Come back to me, do you hear me? Don't you dare to die out there!" His eyes are full of tears, but he manages to force a smile on his face.

James smiles, then the Holo-Link shuts down.


End file.
